Let me be who i want to be

It is rare enough to find a book that changes one’s life for better or worse, but far more common to encounter a moment of getting soaked into liquor that has the potential to impact a man’s entire life, worse for certain.

I woke up not remembering what I did yesterday, or even the day before. What I have been up to lately; how will someone else know, I don’t know myself either. Anyway, I never felt alone because I always have my dear friend right beside me. And that’s more than enough for me to live by then to relive my utterly shattered past despite knowing the fact that there lies a killing machine beneath the friend of mine. Indeed my entire history, a war against no one but myself, has been more of smearing my own blood than the ones whom I have blamed to have made my life the way I am right now.

The blankets are cascading down the bed with only an edge of it crumpled under my feet. I could feel my knees pressed against my chest as the chilling wind rushes in through the opened windows, yet, all my body was soaked in sweat and I couldn’t make an effort to pull out the blanket. I stared across the table beside my bed at the thought of nothing and I kept on fading in and out like a wounded man in the battle field who after getting hit by a bullet can’t resist the pain but to lose consciousness every now and then. The only thing that now comforts me the most is the presence of something that has the ability to quench all my thirst and unfortunately I realized that it has become a sort of an irrepressible habit.

I remembered the moment when I took my first sip. I was in my high school back then, and the test felt like a gift or maybe a souvenir, of my childhood days that still lives in me today. There was an utter silence in the room broken only by the sounds of the stepping foots outside the house. I slowly propped myself on my knees and unfolded the window curtain. The sun light rushed in through the open window making me almost squint. I stared towards a man whose face looked familiar, almost like a déjà vu. Our luminous eyes had fleetingly held each other. His eyes receded in their sockets. His pale eyes revealed nothing more than the same shattered past and failure that burns inside me. But soon I realized that I have been staring at my own reflection in the mirror for a long time, I guess. My own reality came flushing in, bringing back all the mess I have created with my own life and many others surrounding me. Often I have been stranded and ignored and all I could do is to squat and mourn in utter despair at the corner of my room.  I have a good family who supports me well, a job that has the ability to suffice all my needs, and a wife who cares about me. I am at the verge of losing all of it and now I realize that I have to let go of my friend. 

“Alcohol, you may bring joy for a moment at the expense of all other things that I have ever valued in my life but I can’t befriend you anymore, and let me be who I want to be”

The story above is my standpoint of someone whom I have known my entire life, someone very close. But the story doesn’t end here; rather it has become a disease that has affected many lives all across the world. Bhutan is no exception to it. We know its bad but we don’t do much to put a halt to it. The practice of consuming alcohol has been reckoned as a tradition in Bhutan. It is very mush prevalent especially in remote places to see a 10 years old kid sipping Ara while his father throws a joke that relishes both of them, and this is a truth. To those parents this practice is considered normal which actually is not. This can be, indeed attributed as one reason why alcohol consumption among youth is very common. It is a rising issue in Bhutan which further has popped up many other youth issues in the society such as gang fights, domestic violence and above all becoming a burden to one’s family in particular and to the surrounding society in general. It contradicts what actually “His Majesty the fourth Druk Gyalpo has always reminded us that “The future of our country lies in the hands of our young people”. Therefore, if appropriate measures are not taken by the government it would be impossible to fulfill the aspirations that can lead to the creation of a society that we dream of.